Giving People Space is Hard

Published June 12, 2018 by Kelsey

I have had a boyfriend for about six months now, and he just moved five hours away from me, after only being about an hour and a half away. There were various reasons for this: he lost his job through the place deciding not to retain him permanently just before his probationary period was done; he couldn’t find another job nearby in his area; and he couldn’t afford to stay without a job. I am a 26 year old online student with a shitty full-time job that pays me barely over minimum wage, and I am living with my parents because I can’t afford to both finish my classes and pay rent, food, bills, etc. He is a 28 year old with a college degree who is not a happy camper at the moment because he is unemployed and had to move back into his parent’s basement while job searching. The problem with this is how he is handling this.

We normally talk using an instant messenger, since our schedules are wacky and don’t coincide often, but lately he’s been almost entirely silent. For the past week and a half, I’m lucky if I get two sentences out of him, minus the massive message he sent me, finally, explaining himself. He needs time to adjust to living with his parents again, he’s hardly on his computer while he’s home, and he is just not happy with his situation. Great, but he doesn’t answer texts either. I can’t tell if he’s pushing me away, or if he just isn’t in the mood to talk. I just want at least an acknowledgement that I’m still important to him, but more and more, I’m feeling like he doesn’t actually care.

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Quarter life crisis and what do I do now?

Published September 14, 2015 by Kelsey

First of all, I thought quarter life crisis was a phrase my friend made up to describe her feelings about life during and after university, but then I saw a video on YouTube from danisnotonfire, who also has had (is still having?) a quarter life crisis. Then I realized that I am in the midst of a quarter life crisis because I finished college with a degree in Spanish, which is basically useless, and now I’m living in Wisconsin (I’d rather not) and working as a cashier at a grocery store (also, I’d rather not).

What I want to do is go to South Korea and/or Japan and teach English, and I would like to go to graduate school to get a degree in linguistics.

The problem?

I cannot decide what to do first, and I’m almost too afraid to do either. Both would cost me a lot of money and probably my sanity, but I really want to do something with my life besides sit on the internet and occasionally blog about how uninteresting and unfulfilled my life is right now. I’m lonely, a little depressed, and really bored with where I’ve gotten myself so far. I keep asking myself why I came back from Europe (I studied abroad in Spain), and how the heck does one become an English teacher in South Korea?

I also wish I had the guts to start my own YouTube channel, but I know I would never reach the success that I would want. I’m not sure I could handle the haters either.

I guess I am kind of blaming this whole realization on danisnotonfire, but I shouldn’t because I’m the one that got myself into this mess, meaning I have to dig myself out of it somehow. I’ll never be happy if I don’t do something. I just wish I knew what exactly I want to do. I don’t have an end goal in sight right now, but with the things that I like to study and do, I would probably end up as a professor or something like that.

I guess putting blogs on the internet is like vlogging on YouTube but without the videos. I should just convert these blogs into videos and find out how the internet feels about it. But yet again, I am not confident about putting myself out there like that. I used to not let anyone read anything I ever wrote unless it was a paper for school and the only person reading it was the teacher/professor, and now look how far I’ve come.

Anyway, that’s my quarter life crisis.

Kelsey ♥

Type 1 Diabetes…And also Migraines

Published July 16, 2015 by Kelsey

I’ve come to realize from reading other people’s struggles, that type 1 diabetes is very misunderstood by the people who don’t have it or who aren’t educated about it. They think that I can just get rid of it for forever if I eat right or exercise or eat certain foods. And they think that I did something wrong to have diabetes.

It goes along the same lines for migraines. With migraines, they think it’s all in my head, or that it can’t be that bad. Or if you just eat this or take that or reduce your stress level then you’ll feel better, and you won’t have them anymore.

And then, in both situations, it’s followed up by “Well at least it’s not cancer.”

But it is bad.

No, it isn’t cancer, but everyday life is a struggle for someone who has either condition. My migraines are not chronic, and I only get them two or three times a month. That is enough to make me leave work early or call in sick at least once a month because I cannot stand the fluorescent lights, the noise, and the nausea that is brought about by the pain that is throbbing in the right side of my neck, temple, and jaw. I have a friend who cannot hold a regular job because her migraines make it impossible for her to function for at least a few days a week. She didn’t ask for this to happen to her, and I’m sure she would have liked to be able to do everything in life just like anyone else who doesn’t suffer from blinding chronic pain. She lives with it, and she is one of the strongest women I know.

Type 1 diabetes is similar, not just because I have that as well as migraines, but because people think that you did something wrong and if you just fix what you’re doing wrong, you will be miraculously healed, and you’ll never have to take insulin again. This is false. In people with type 1 diabetes, there is no insulin being produced by the body. There is no way to fix it; not a healthy diet, not exercise, not okra water, nor cinnamon will cure type 1 diabetes. I will have to take insulin every day and for every meal for the rest of my life.

It is possible to manage both conditions, and so far I have been extremely lucky. I do not have many complications, if any at all from diabetes. I think I owe that to the good healthcare I’ve received and the support of my family. I hope that there is a cure for type 1 diabetes, but until then, I will continue to take life, and all it’s challenges, head on.

~Kelsey ♥

Cashier Rant

Published July 8, 2015 by Kelsey
  1. We don’t always know where that obscure product is or if we even carry it.
  2. We are people too. So when you get cranky with us because something didn’t ring up right or you had a bad day or you can’t find that coupon, don’t take it out on us.
  3. We aren’t all teenagers who are working for spending money. Some of us are trying to make a living off of this job. Yeah, it’s not the best, but at least it’s a job.
  4. We don’t set the prices. If it’s wrong, we can’t do much about it, other than fix it for you and letting the managers know.
  5. Even if it doesn’t ring up or the tag fell off IT IS NOT FREE!  Though I wish it was so I wouldn’t have to listen to people tell me that it should be free.
  6. There are a lot of produce codes. If we don’t know one, we really do have to look up the code. Sometimes we know the item but not the code so telling us that it’s an Ugli fruit isn’t very helpful. (For the record the PLU is 4459).
  7. Sometimes cashiers have bad days.
  8. We hate coupons too.
  9. Please bathe before you come to the store. I don’t want to know what you smell like after not showering for a month.
  10. Telling us how nice it is outside doesn’t make me feel better about being stuck inside all day.
  11. Why yes you may speak with a manager, but I can’t promise that he/she won’t tell you exactly the same thing I just told you. They are probably the one who told me what to tell you in the first place.
  12. Wear a shirt. And shoes. We really do have to tell you to leave if you aren’t wearing one or the other or both.
  13. Don’t bring your bike/skateboard/Rollerblades etc into the store. Again we have to tell you to leave, or leave the equipment outside. I know someone could steal it, so get a bike lock.
  14. We aren’t robots.
  15. That smile we give you is probably not genuine.
  16. Don’t be creepy.
  17. We haven’t tried every food in the store, so I do apologize if I don’t know what that Lemonade Apple tastes like. Sweet? Lemonade-y? I have no idea.
  18. If you use WIC, please separate your WIC check items from the rest of your groceries, please give me the check before I start to ring up the items, and please please please have the signature I.D. paper with you. (Though they are starting to use cards now instead of paper checks so I am sorry if it doesn’t work right or takes longer the first few times you use it. It’s new to the cashiers too.)
  19. No your EBT/SNAP/food card does NOT cover hot deli food. And while I’m at it, it will not cover cigarettes, and I will not ring them in as food for you. (This only happened to me once, but the woman tried to convince me that another cashier had done it for her before. She was lying. Obviously.)
  20. No I’m not judging you for using/buying a food card, WIC check, tampons, pads, condoms, lube, alcohol, cigarettes, adult diapers, baby diapers, Vagisil, junk food, $300 in meat products, 20 lemons, 20 cans of ravioli, etc… Half the time, I don’t really look at what you’re buying unless you point it out to me.
  21. If you’re underage, don’t use a fake I.D. Most of the time we can tell you’re not 18 or 21, and having a fake from a state you’re not a resident of just makes it more suspicious. Especially in a small town. The other day, someone had a fake I.D. from North Carolina, and the cashier he tried to buy cigarettes from knew him from school and knew he was under 18. Some people just aren’t smart.
  22. Please speak up. Mumbling something to me or speaking quietly means that I will NOT be able to hear you. There are freezers and coolers running, other people talking, beeping from the registers, and probably a baby screaming somewhere in the dairy department.

All in all, don’t be an idiot, wear clothes and shoes, BATHE, and don’t worry about buying that cucumber, yogurt, condoms, and/or pack of smokes. I probably won’t even notice how funny and/or weird it is.

♥ Kelsey~

Korean dramas

Published June 8, 2015 by Kelsey

I am currently loving all things Korean. And Japanese. But the Korean romcoms are THE BEST! I love pretty much anything with Lee Min Ho or Jang  Geun Suk in it, and there are some really fantastic dramas that they are in. Though to clarify, they aren’t in the same dramas, they both are just that fantastic. I am currently watching Love Rain, or Sarangbi in Korean, and once I got past episode 5, it was really fantastic!

I haven’t posted in a long time, and that’s because my aunts came to visit, I started a new job, I moved in with my sister, and got a cat all in the past two months. It’s been pretty crazy. I’m going to try to update more regularly in the future.

~Kelsey

Book Review: Fifty Shades Trilogy by E. L. James.

Published April 14, 2015 by Kelsey

I did something I swore I would never do. I read Fifty Shades of Grey and the rest of the series as well. I did not expect to like the books; I honestly thought they were going to be all sex and messed up BDSM, but there was actually plot! Granted, there is a lot of sex and messed up stuff, but everything is explained, even if it isn’t exactly plausible for a real life situation to be like the book, it is just a story and it worked.

I really enjoyed the first book, but I hated the end. I didn’t think that it was the end of the story, so I immediately obtained the second book and after that, the third. I was happy with the overall end of the story, but seriously who gets married after only knowing each other for like three months?!

For anyone who hasn’t read the trilogy, the books center around new college graduate Anastasia Steele and young, gorgeous CEO Christian Grey. Christian initially seduces innocent Ana to the “dark side” aka BDSM, but he finds that she isn’t what he originally expected (she really isn’t into BDSM at all), and he is more screwed up than Ana thought at first. Eventually they find middle ground where they are both happy; Christian has to make some drastic changes to his private lifestyle, but because Ana makes him feel like no one else ever has, he tries really, really hard to be the best he can be. They have some huge ups and downs, but in the end everything works out in their favor.

I do recall all of the controversy when these books were published, and I was one who refused to read them because I thought they were just pointless, plotless smut. I do enjoy occasional smut, but there has to be some sort of plot mixed into it, otherwise I find it tedious and worthless. The Fifty Shades trilogy does have plot, and even if some think it is unlikely and implausible, I encourage them to remember that it IS just a story. It may not be the best piece of literature anyone has ever written, but it is by far not the worst I have read.

Overall I would give it 5 stars out of 10. Not the best, but not the worst. Good for a rainy day when I want a quick read.

Thanks for reading!

Kelsey ♥

Book Review: Shadow Study by Maria V. Snyder

Published March 30, 2015 by Kelsey

This is going to be a short post, but there may be SPOILERS! If you haven’t read Shadow Study yet, then I recommend waiting until after you have read it to read this post. I’m going to try to keep it vague if I do mention anything spoiler-like.

First of all: OMG VALEK’S POINT OF VIEW!!!

I honestly have mixed feelings about this book. I think the plot was amazing, and I did not anticipate anything that happened at the end. I was shocked and both pleasantly, and not so pleasantly, surprised. I loved having Valek’s point of view and some of his past, knowing now what drove him to become an assassin and how he and the Commander met. I thought that the switching between Janco, Yelena, and Valek was sometimes a little clunky, and it felt like the author tried to cram a lot of story into too few pages. However, I will not complain, because Valek and Yelena goodness. Shadow Study did end at a cliffhanger, which bothers me not, and I cannot wait for the next book to find out what happens! Also: Curare…and the Commander…OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

If anyone else has read this series, I would like to know! I love it when I find others who are interested in the same books that I am!

~Kelsey ♥